Changing It Up

So, Brene Brown says that clear is kind.

I love that because I value clear communication.

I'm taking a risk and changing things up.

I've been having a hard time recently making myself do anything.

I also have lived a life where I pushed myself to do what I think I'm supposed to do without caring what the impact on me is.

So, I'm stuck in a place of wanting to be a person of integrity and a person who shows up by posting a blog post every week and trying to find the balance and taking care of myself and allowing myself rest.

I have tons of thoughts and feelings that are swirling around inside of me.

I feel like creative juices are flowing like crazy.

And, I feel like having a specific outcome in mind is actually getting in my way.

I trust that stepping out into this ….

This feels extremely risky and a little bit like cheating.

If I'm completely honest, I feel like I'm coming up with an excuse to not have to show up and do the work.

But, at the same time, I have a deep sense that making this change and allowing this freedom is going to open up creativity inside me that I have no idea what it will look like, and that I've never experienced before.

I believe that if I want to inspire other people to take risks, then I have to take risks.

And, that's risky.

So, here's what I wrote as a note to me, for what I'm doing.

Clear is kind

So is rest

Showing up matters

(Those can feel in conflict for me.)

I want to show up for myself by writing and posting a weekly blog post. I want to give myself space to sit with all the thoughts and feelings swirling inside me.

I want time to rest.

So, I am going to spend some time slowing down.

I will hold my integrity by posting weekly.

I will not force myself to create something specific.

It may be a random thought I'm chewing on. A note to self that I may need to hear.

I'm opening space for something new.

Or, not.

I don't know what the season will bring. But, it feels important to honor it and step into it and risk.

I have such deep gratitude for the people who have been following this journey. I want to show up for you, too.

But, I realized, I don't even know what that means.

So, all I can do is keep showing up as myself and trust and hope that me being a human being will give you permission to be one, too.

Whatever that means.

So, I'm changing things up.

And, I don't know what that's gonna look like.