Updated: Sep 14, 2021
I never know how I’m going to feel one day to the next. I may be clear-headed or cloudy with a chance of spacing out. I may be inspired or empty. Enthusiastic or gloomy. Energetic or apathetic.
Some days, I have so much energy and am so inspired, there is a vibration buzzing through my mind and body. I easily move from task to task. Creative ideas sprout, seemingly out of nowhere. I breathe in the fresh air on my morning walk, filling my body with oxygen and enthusiasm to propel me through the beautiful day. On a rare occasion, I’ll even wake up before my alarm. With my abundance of energy, I want to cram the day with action. Why wouldn’t I? The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and I’m on fire. On days like this, it’s often hard to fall asleep. I’ve even woken up in the middle of the night with such inspired creativity, I have to write it down in order to get back to sleep.
Other days I can barely seem to put one foot in front of the other. I push myself out the door for my morning walk. I force myself to work out instead of going back to bed. Every inspiration and knowing sense that I am on the right path is gone. I doubt everything. I don’t want to do anything, because “what’s the point?” I go through the motions of the day, procrastinating when possible, and drag myself to the finish line, hoping to fall asleep quickly and wake up as a different version of myself.
I never know which version of myself I’ll meet when I wake up, so when I have an inspired day, I don’t want it to end. I’ve even felt anxious about falling asleep. What if I wake up empty the next day? On gloomy days, I am so convinced that nothing matters, including me, I don’t care what tomorrow brings or if it even comes.
Regardless of who greets me in the mirror each morning, my reflection tells me I’m still alive and therefore must face what lies ahead. Every day is a new day. A day to learn and grow, to struggle and succeed, to give myself the grace and space to show up or lay low. I am not the same every day. I can’t treat myself as if I am.