It's Okay to Not Be a Group


It's okay to not be a group.


Mind = blown.


Another way to say that is, “it's okay to keep things small.”

Why is this revolutionary for me?!


I have this thing within me that takes any idea and magnifies it infinitely.


I often joke about it in theater terms, saying, I have an idea, and it goes from an idea to a full-blown Broadway show in two seconds.

No script. No costume design. No discussion. No nothing. It just goes from a seed to a full-scale production in two seconds. And, then, it dies there. It never actually becomes anything. It's just all in my head as an idea.


And, also, a full-scale production is overwhelming when all I really have is a seed.

But, why can't something stay small for me?


So, I was telling my friend about my plans for this weekend. Me and one friend have talked about getting together and doing a puzzle. Period. The two of us. Hanging out. Chatting. Puzzling.

My friend says, “Hey, what if we invite this other person?”


“Okay, great.” I don't think twice about it.


Then, I think, well, if we're going to invite that person, why don't we invite this other person as well?


Suddenly, it's gone from “just the two of us” to the possibility of four. No questions as to do we want that? How is that going to change the group dynamic? What if we want it to just be the two of us?


Now, these other two people don't even know that the hangout is happening. They haven't actually been invited. But, because we've mentioned them, somehow in my world, they have been invited. They know it. And, in order to have it “just be the two of us”, they now have to be uninvited. Which seems unkind. Which is not an option.


But, none of this is reality!


The seed exists — two people hanging out, doing a puzzle.


Full-scale production — four people.


Somehow, once I've seen the full-scale production in my mind, “just the seed” feels off the table.


It was only through talking it through with an outside person … and, I am an external processor, I know that … talking it through with this outside person exposed within me that I really just want to connect with this one person. The addition of the other people would be fine. I like these other people. But, it does change the dynamic.


Is it okay to just hang out with one other person?


Why wouldn't it be?


Yes!


Yes. It is okay for me to spend time with one friend and that be it.


It feels a little silly to acknowledge that that feels revolutionary to me.


And, that by hanging out with one person does not mean that I am an unkind person, that I don't like these other two people, that I don't want to spend time with these other two people.

What a revelation.


It's okay to keep things small.


The friend I was sharing this with, and having my real-time revelation with, said to me, “It's okay to not be a group.”


Huh.

Yeah.


It's okay to not be a group.

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